A Decade as If It Was Yesterday

ten years ago my little brother was born.

5 min readOct 5, 2020

and since then I thought; me — a 12 years old kid at the time — could be struggled in a way more difficult path than having only one sibling as before.

but things slip through the cracks, right?

*thunder SFX comes in*

...uh nope. the weather was fine that day.

A Day Before

October 4th, 2010.

I just found out that there’s nothing more calming than the night before your life changed forever.

As long as I remember, I was out for some Kwetiaw for my mom. I got home with three gigantic packs of noodles. the food tastes good, we ate a lot. nothing’s strange, my dad chilling with his cigarettes. me and my brother then passed out glutted.

later that night, a bad dream comes right after me. I woke up and feeling so dizzy.

I thought I’d be late for school — at 1 a.m in the morning.

with unconscious feeling, I go out but my mom wasn’t in her room, neither my dad. the emergency bag (goods for baby’s birth my mom had prepared) wasn’t there too!

geez, of all the possibility that could happen that night, I remember grumbled:

oh gosh, was it because of the Kwetiaw?

yes. I’m yet ready for his (or her) presence that day. but it’s definitely coming.

a few minutes later my dad called and told me that it’s fine if I skipped classes for today — oh, and also it’s a boy. that’s quite shocking for me because we’ve had prepared a full room with shell-pink colored.

I don't understand why adults so calm about things.

October 5th, 2010.

and so the wait is over for everyone. I don't remember much from that day, probably because I'm way too excited. what I do remember was, I gave his middle name “Abriano”, simply because its October 5th and the Indonesian army celebrating their national forces day.

my mom was safe, so was the baby. she went home after spending a few days healing in those white hospital room.

then again, adults are difficult to understand. I worried so much while they just came home telling everything is covered up fine.

…anyway —

Growing Up Sucks

long story short, I was adulting. as an Asian, there’s nothing such as childhood anymore after you graduate elementary school. I was busy with my class, school activities, crushes (I kinda lose myself when it comes to a girl), friends, and anything I could possibly in.

— and suddenly we are already ten years older now.

I need a break. also the ugly side of this was we pursued things without real interest, so we just pass it through. I learned so much yet I knew I missed many. Anyone’s early 20s always going to be like this — problematic.

so today I was looking at my little brother.

he’s ten now, few more years to come for him before his enlightenment. before he’s stepping in — hate himself forever or just deal with it and become unbreakable.

cih, he wasn’t paying attention. he’s busy manipulating people at Among Us.

Now there are times like this when you were worried about someone and just a second later you started to worry about yourself.

he’s just a young little kid, why should he care?

and then there’s me, there’s you, we’re just a young little adult. why should we care too? it actually fine not to care about what doesn't matter.

we still got a bunch of work to do. enough for the unnecessary thought about things to come, you feel me? if you’re not, I suggest you should.

we all should be like them children. having a hobby, doing what they want. ease ourselves, be prepared for anything to collapse.

why doesn’t anybody told me this ten years ago?

To My Dearest Brother, Karan

I saw you growing up a lot. as a brother, I’m really proud of you. you are standing out wherever you stood. you are not the best but always give your best. you really did.

seeing you as a person were even more astonishing. you are polite, a little shy but unexpected. you got a soul, bound with a pure heart. you observe people around you quietly. you were blessed by Fortuna, the Goddess of luck along within your way.

so I wrote this for you — I wrote this for the 20 years old you in the future.

well, you might be stumbled by blocks for once or twice, but that’s okay. in fact, there will be thousands of blocks. you’d better be ready. you’d better be strong. but most importantly, don't forget who you really are — your soul, your pure heart.

the next thing is; don't lie to yourself — which I did a lot when I was your age. try to make peace with them. you’ll be with you forever.

if someone approaches you for help, tell them you’ll do it willingly. but never waste your time, you’re actually running out of it! do your task, search for at least one thing in this world you deeply love and you’ll work your ass off for it even without getting any penny.

but by that I mean don’t ever fall for someone like you’ll drown for them. no one’s worth it at this age. don’t ever give someone a free rental flat in your head. invest your time for something bigger; your happiness or reputation.

then the last thing I want to advise you, always listen to your mom and dad whatever your reason is. keep this in your mind, that if you make it this far is a hundred percent because they want you to. you’ll need them as much as you need to breathe.

the truth is, I’ve misunderstood. adults were not calm about things. they’re just better at hiding it.

soon you will see my brother.

I guess that’s all . not really good at words but here we go.

today we’re celebrating your 10th birthday. you probably going to forget all of your presents, all the cakes you’ve asked, and the restaurant we went to.

but you can’t erase advice.

also, I believe that there is not everyone who’s lucky enough to get advice even for once in their life.

but we could do something about that for the next generation.

O, I remember our conversation that night —

hey bro what’s the title of the movie without any dialog we watched last week.. ummm.. silenced room… you remember?

I totally forgot the title. but you casually answering me,

you mean A Quite Place? moron. what’s a silenced room hahaha

lmao, something we usually do since you were five.

and sometimes I do forget we were 12 years apart.

little brother was not so little anymore.

I think I’m gonna cry.




cinema freaks. communication and media amateur. writing because kind words cost nothing.